My First Memory

I remember many things of my early childhood. My father also has a strangely sharp memory of his childhood. My very first memory though, was kind of emotionally scarring. It was my Nana and I, and we were outside in the warm, sunny weather, while she was probably gardening, and I was just being a two year old kid.

I really noticed her little statue of a naked woman. It was about my height, and quite seductive. It was probably a recreation of a Leonardo Da Vinci piece or something. Not knowing why, I approached the little statue and began to hump it. I couldn't give a logical explanation for doing this, and even if I did understand the biology of it, I could barely talk. It just felt right though. Shortly after engaging in this activity, my Nana yelled at me to stop. I couldn't understand why she would scold me for this even less than I understood why I was doing it.

Being my first emotional memory, it probably affected my thought process for the rest of my life onward. Subconsciously, I probably saw sexual behaviour as an improper action. I imagine I unknowingly classed it with crimes, or sins. I know I was much less comfortable with the activity of sexual interaction than most of my friends.

Maybe I can thank my Nana for making me too uncomfortable to close the deal with many girls I was attracted to. Maybe that minor scolding from the early eighties had nothing to do with my inability to make a move. Maybe I'm just such a wuss that I didn't have the courage to risk being turned down by the girls. That's actually much more likely the reality here. Sorry for the potential accusation Nana!

(reasonable facsimile from my memory)