Accounting Mountain

When my daughter is old enough to go to Canada’s Wonderland, I am not going to tell her for the weeks leading up to it that we’re going to the most fun place in Ontario. I’m going to tell her the day before that we have to go to Accounting Mountain tomorrow to deal with some issues regarding accounting. When she then asks what accounting is, I will explain to her how it is the action of keeping track of debits and credits. When she then asks what debits and credits are, I will start to explain the details of that, in a very monotonous, hypnotically boring tone, but then I will pretend to doze off. When/If she wakes me up to hear more about accounting, I will explain how all of the accountants of Canada live at accounting mountain, and that’s why we have to go there to deal with the accounting problem.

It won’t be until she sees the people in Hanna Barbara costumes that she realizes that something isn’t adding up. I’m not sure if that makes me devious, or even dishonest for planning this deception years ahead. I believe it is first degree deception though. The whiteness of this lie is even clouded a bit grey by the amount of time put into it. Regardless of the immorality that is carried with this plan, I think it is one of the best ideas I have ever come up with. Sophia, I hope that this event in the future doesn’t taint your honesty, because it is going to happen. It’s totally going to happen.  

Money and Drugs

I used to work with a fella’ selling advertising who was about twenty years older than me. He played the role of mentor to me in this industry I was new to and he was a respected veteran. He loved to party, and made sure to do it multiple times per week. I would often play sidekick to him, and we became casual friends who hung out frequently. At the time, I thought I was meant to be in that industry. I was sure that it was my calling. I was very wrong about that, but that is of no matter here.

Years after leaving the aforementioned workplace, I got a call from an insurance salesman, who went under the guise of “financial advisor”, because insurance salesmen are the most despised professionals in existence. The insurance salesman told me how he was scouting for a financial adviser and came across my resume online. At the time he called I was doing a meaningless, no future job of reading gas meters. At the thought of me having a respectable job again, I was intrigued.

I wrote a test, and became a financial adviser. The way that the title “financial adviser” was justified was that the insurance salesmen were also given access to another financial product to sell called mutual funds. Mutual funds are stock packages, and that was where I put my focus. I never sold insurance once, and shuddered at the thought of doing so.

The year was 2008, and the planet had a severe market crash. This timing should have been a message for me to get away from the industry completely. It is a poisonous industry for the soul, and it is quite helpful in that industry if you don’t have a soul. The fella’ who hired me lost his soul years earlier to a massive heart attack where he actually died and was revived by doctors. My theory is that while the spark making your body function returns and you are now alive again, your soul doesn’t return to the once dead body. I actually just made that theory up. I have never thought that before. It could be true though. Who knows?

So my mentoring friend from my old profession, we’ll call him Eminem, said he would do business with me. I explained to him of how since we had a huge market crash, all of the huge corporations that cannot fail are now on sale in the stock market. I set Eminem up with $100,000 worth of high yield stocks, and my company loaned him the $100,000.

A few months later I went to this big party at a location that is legendary in my hometown, but is secret from you, because we’re always being watched, and I’m not going to say any names or locations. I called up Eminem and told him how he has to get up to this wicked party. He was there in like thirty minutes.

It was an awesome party in this loft style house, with three DJs and the best house and jungle I had ever heard. There was cocaine available for purchase, and ecstasy too. The supplier offered a sample of the cocaine to Eminem, and he decided it was worth purchase. The night went for, I imagine, another eight hours or so. We all went our separate ways and all was well.

A couple of weeks later Eminem called me up and told me to come on down to his town. I went on down and met up with him. He said how we have to go meet up with this guy and we did. We pulled up in a spot, and this black Jeep whips into the lot. I saw that it was a younger guy, probably in his thirties. Eminem went up to his vehicle and made a transaction with him. He came back to the car and started breaking out some cocaine. He offered me some, and although I really enjoyed the stuff, I said how, “Dude, it’s Tuesday afternoon. I can’t do that stuff on Tuesday afternoons”. He kind of made a sour face and went on with his business.

Some time after that we went to a bar called Cabana Club, or something. Eminem had a connection there with the manager and said we will get a free “bottle”. We were with Eminem, his brother, who was my manager where we worked together, and some female without a name. Going in the front door of the place we had to get patted down by the security trash. Myself, my former manager and the female without a name went through and the security trash kept checking Eminem. We had a seat and the bartender asked us what we’ll have. We said how there is supposed to be a bottle on hand for us and she said ok and brought us a two six of vodka.

After having a couple of drinks each, we realized that Eminem had not come in yet. We asked some staff, and they said how he couldn’t come in because security found something on him. I knew right away what they found, and they told us how there was no longer a free bottle for us. We have to pay for the couple drinks we each had. I understood, and started to gather my money to pay the bill. My former manager however, decided that he was going to make a break for the door. He got like three steps and two guys had him by the shoulders.

I finally made my exit from the financial industry and was living a more therapeutic life. My cell phone rang as I was watering my garden and it was Eminem. I answered like, “Hey man, haven’t seen you in a while”, and he was much less friendly. He mentioned how he had tried to take out his profit from the stock package I had set him up with, and they told him there would be a 6% charge. He claimed that I never informed him of this. He was wrong, that was essentially all I informed him of. I told him how if he wanted it in first year, it is 6%, second year, 5%, etc. He said that was no problem because he would leave it in for a while. In four months it gained 25% and he wanted it fast. Six percent of $25,000 is like, what, $1,300, for loaning you $100,000 to make $25,000 in four months. Anyway, he let me know that I deceived him and we weren’t cool anymore.

I haven’t talked to Eminem since and I hope he has kicked the little problem that I feel responsible for enabling. That stuff really does ruin people. I’ve seen young people in their early twenties go all the way down the cocaine path that leads to smoking crack. That stuff really destroys people, but it is a mayor’s choice of drugs. Seriously, mayors love crack. 

Group Funding

The only way that the 99% can defeat the 1%, is with "group-funding". It is necessary that the 99% all co-operate with each other. The rulers of empires have used an age old war strategy referred to as divide and conquer. It is a requirement that they first divide the masses before they can defeat them. It has always been an easy task to divide; and it is especially easy when the 1% controls the media.

Group-funding is a new trend where strangers can see an idea on the internet and then contribute money to that idea so it actually happens. The reason that the masses are still using primitive methods of energy like fossil fuels, is because there is a disgustingly wealthy 1% making sure that the fossil fuel industry remains the continued practice. If the 99% had control, then we would already be using modern, renewable methods that already exist.

Having control of the media is vital to their [the 1%] continued success. With control of the media, they can pass on false knowledge to a very trusting audience, and more importantly, they can keep the their audience so occupied that the real world is never even considered. Destruction of this planet is viewed as a collateral damage of living that cannot be changed. It can be changed however, and hopefully this happens quite soon. If it doesn't happen soon, then we will miss our chance at survival as a species.

"Reality" Television

The following record is from a meeting of the creative heads at the corporation that controls all of the different broadcast television networks.

It is possibly complete fiction. The facts are yet to be confirmed.

                                                              11/Jan/2009

                     Transcript of the Meeting

John - We have to transform our current programming to adapt to this new economy.
We have to appeal to the new class of poverty that was created.

Margaret - I don't think we can just create a model of programming that relates to everyone, John.

John - Margaret, go pack your things, you're fired.

Smeevles - Sir, I put together some notes of the ways we can penetrate this new market.

John - Go on

Smeevles - One way would be to create shows about storage lockers where "regular folk" go and purchase lockers that were left vacant by evicted renters. Then the regular folk go and count all their new acquired treasures and we state how much money they made off of the purchase. Also, we can put this on our History channel, because they are finding old stuff.

John - Okay, that is a bit of a stretch to say that this is History related, but that's golden. Many possibilities of spin off shows with that. What else have you got?

Smeevles, nervously looking through his notes, excitedly explains his next idea.

Smeevles - This one is easy. We create several different cooking shows that are all competitions. Our numbers say that cooking shows only appeal to 15% of viewers, but competition shows appeal to 80%.

John - That's good. I like these. "Reality" television is cheap. Anything else?

Smeevles - I have an idea for our Criminal Investigation channel. First, we do a show where Cops are looking for ghosts. After that, we can do unlimited ghost shows where everyday citizens are looking for ghosts, because we already broke the ice with our initial show.

John - Genius, Smeevles. We'll keep you around for a bit longer.

Smeevles - Thank you sir.

John - Alright, that covers The Food Network, CI, and History channel. We will have another meeting next week to figure out the rest of the channels.

I Don't Know

There was a point in my life that I was so excited to be allowed to drink in bars, that I would regularly watch sports on TV. I had never really been interested in sports, and certainly not televised professional sports, but it gave me an excuse to go drink beer at the bar a few times a week. The excuse for going to the bar was enough for me to intentionally enact the passion for sports that some people actually have.

Sure, this whole activity was weird, and truthfully, it was very unsatisfying, but it was my key to get into the seedy night life of bars. I needed that in my life at the time, and although it was very far from "living", it happened at a perfect time; that time is referred to as my "youth", and it is the best time to be wasting time.

It wasn't until long into that lifestyle that I realized that I was far from happiness. I did not know how that happened, and I didn't know what I was doing wrong. When I put some thought into it, I realized that maybe it was because I was faking my passion for my consistent activity. I notice now that there was a lot of depression in the air around the middle aged fellows who had been doing that same thing for a long time. Sadly for those guys, they will never realize what it is that's making them miserable.

I thought to myself, what is it that entertains me, if it is not sports? The answer to that was comedy. I loved intelligent comedy. I loved watching stand up comedians tell witty jokes, and realized that I could do that too. I started writing comedy, and at this stage in my life, I had replaced the regular drinking with much more regular marijuana use. It felt like marijuana made me a comedic genius. I have to admit though, it was much more comical when I smoked marijuana before reading it.

I started to realize that even my passion of comedy was bringing me zero happiness. So it turned out that sports didn't entertain me, and comedy was not what I was looking for either. Upon this discovery, I was very frightened that there is nothing out there for me. I certainly don't have the answer to the biggest question in life, but I have a new idea that maybe entertainment is not the answer. Always being entertained is simply occupying your mind from reality. That is certainly a mistake.

Again, I don't know the meaning of life, but it sure is great to make life better for others. If you can feed a hungry person, or brighten the day of a sad person, then you're definitely not doing something wrong. If you spent your whole life helping those in need, then it definitely wouldn't feel like you wasted your life. I keep hearing that CEOs and presidents of companies are terribly depressed with what they did in their lives while they lay on their deathbeds. The message there is that money is a complete waste of life. Unfortunately for the vast majority of people, money is the only goal considered throughout life.

I can't tell anyone the answer they need, but I think I can tell them what to avoid. People should avoid the activities provided to the masses. Don't waste your time on things that don't make you feel good. Try being nice, try helping people. Even if it does nothing for your soul, it's never a mistake.

Distant Voices in Marble Corridors

I have a theory of why the world's villains are destroying all of the wildlife. Whenever there was a movie with a ruler of absolute power, it was in a world of desolateness, with robots, and no wildlife. My theory is that people on the planet Earth feel that to achieve supreme Orwellian power, it must be in a completely unnatural world, unlike the one we are familiar with. 

If you look at the different corporations in the world, you may see a pattern of the removal of natural life. There is a massive organization that creates a product called Round-Up. What Round-Up does is kills anything it comes in contact with. It kills weeds, insects, and unfortunately all other life forms, including humans.

Unbelievably, this organization grows crops, genetically modifies the crops, so that they can survive the dousing of Round-Up, then sells the crops to humans...to eat. No, seriously, the humans then eat the Round-Up. The organization insists that it is safe though, for some reason. This organization has nearly wiped out the monarch butterfly, and the bee. I have another theory about that.

Wiping out the butterflies and the bees would seem illogical to a company that needs those insects to pollinate its crops. My theory is that they have a product ready to replace natural pollinators. Then they can sell the product to all the farmers as well. A drone that performs pollination of plants would be as simple as an insect. It might not sound as evil as it is, but that is wicked evil, and if there is a hell, I hope they go there for this. 

That kind of practice grants complete control over all the people of the world, and for some reason, some people want to control others. If you control the food, you control the world. That should not be a motivation for anyone to do anything, but it really is. You would think that for someone to act like this, they must have had a traumatic life, or at least one horrible experience, but sometimes it is just a matter of personality type; these people are controllers.

Another corporation creates dessert food, and is trusted by most of the public. What people don’t realize though, is that it is one of the most evil corporations of the world. It destroys tropical jungles for, I believe, palm oil. People just kind of shrug to that action and say how you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette. Sadly, these eggs they are cracking are the home to billions of creatures, and, if those people don’t care about that, those “eggs” are also massive producers of oxygen to breathe.

Interestingly, this massive corporation also wants to obtain all of the water of the world for its own personal “product” to sell to people. It could be a single corporation that takes away the water from the people. Many people would die from this, but the corporation would get massively rich from all of the survivors who wish to continue surviving, and drinking water.

Now, here is a bit of a farfetched theory, but it is from the eighties, and it is to privatize oxygen. Can you imagine if the corporation destroying oxygen producing jungles has a product on the shelf, ready for the demand of oxygen? Imagine a corporation that controls the oxygen and water of the planet. That would be even more powerful than the corporation that controls the food. Back to reality though, they are only aiming to control the water, from what we know. 

You might say, well at least or food and water are being controlled by only two corporations, so it will be easier to stop them if a crisis actually occurs. The horrible thing is though, these corporations already control powerful governments, and therefore have massive armies of idiots with weapons to back them up.

I may sound like a crazy conspiracy theorist, but you don’t have to theorize anything here, it is already happening. 

The World's Worst Enemy

The crime of most of the co-operative, law biding citizens of the world, who try to harm no one, is that they are funding terrorists who harm many innocent men, women and children. I believe the term for someone who assists in a crime is called an accessory to what ever the crime is. They would be an accessory to murder, or theft, or fraud, etc., etc.

Sometimes an accessory entirely makes it possible for a crime to happen. Without this accessory, then the crime may have never been able to be committed. In the case of international crimes against the planet, or people on the other side of the planet, it is the governments in charge of people who are the criminals, and the citizens are the accessories. The accessories completely fund these crimes, and are the only ones who are able to prevent the crimes.

I know a country with hundreds of millions of people. Most of these people think they are innocent, and would aggressively argue that they, and their government are the good guys. The government puts control methods into place that makes their citizens think of themselves as the best people in the world. They think they are helpful, and heroes, and they think that it is the ones who they kill who are the bad ones.

As many people of our times have said, most notably, Einstein, "The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything". I had never agreed with that quote, in that I didn't like to dismiss the actions of the individual committing the crime. Truly though, the masses are equally, if not exceedingly responsible for these crimes. The people who commit these crimes have their minds clouded by intoxicating riches, but the people who benefit in no way from it, are just not caring because it has no effect on them. That selfishness does make them slightly worse than the person who makes the decision so he can become a billionaire.

So, it turns out that you are the world's worst enemy. Fancy that. It is you. Congratulations?